Education is one of the major elements that would help lessening
the extent of perpetration of the offence. Sex education in schools, and
guidance education at schools would groom children in the right direction, to
be wary, and to refrain from going to the other side themselves.
Differentiating a safe touch from an unsafe one, knowing what sex is, knowing
that it is wrong for a relative to approach you for sex, and knowing that it is
wrong to do the same; for starters are useful tips for children. The following
information is valuable:
o
Safe touches are those that are experienced as warm, caring and
nurturing. They are not hurtful or unsafe ones that come with an ulterior
motive.
o
Unsafe touches are those that hurt, or cause pain, discomfort,
unease or any feeling of awkwardness.
o
In-between or confusing touches are those that are unfamiliar,
those that may seem nice but cause a feeling of discomfort.
o
It is wrong for another to touch one’s private parts - the only
exceptions are either parent giving the child a bath, or a doctor examining the
child in the parents' or a safe adult's presence.
o
It is wrong for one to touch his own private parts in front of a
child
o
It is wrong for someone to take a child’s picture in the nude
o
It is wrong for a person to force a child to kiss, touch or to
fondle any part of the body of another
o
Their consent matters. No means No. No one can violate that.
As parents, teachers and care givers, it is important to
understand that:
* Every child has a right to stay safe. It is not wrong to presume
that every child is equally vulnerable, and hence needs to be educated on
staying safe.
* Be able to talk to their children from very early on, on their
safety, and keep all doors to communication open.
* Be constantly alert, avoiding any action or decision which is
potentially dangerous for your daughter.
* Drive home the fact in the children that their body is private
and nobody, just nobody can touch one’s private parts in any situation. If
someone does, they should stop the person and come and tell the parent right
away. This conversation has to start as early, maybe at the age of three. (You
can use our worksheets and posters from the Resources section)
* Teach the child to say no to any person or anything that makes
her uncomfortable or sense danger. Tell them, it is ok to say no to anyone at
all and most certainly to strangers.
* Tell the child to obey her instincts when she senses something
amiss. If she thinks and feels that the situation is uncomfortable or the
person is not doing something right, she must get away at the earliest.
* Encourage them to be assertive, to be bold and outspoken. If
anyone does anything to him/her, which he/ she knows is not right, he/she must
say so, first to the person who is doing it, and certainly to the parent. Teach them, especially when they
are young to threaten the person with, “I will tell my mother…” This does help
to scare off known people many a time.
* Help them identify a person who they trust, someone besides the
parent, someone to listen to them, if they are hurt, or scared or confused
about anything. This is necessary for the times when the parents are not
around. If neither of parent is
available, she should report it to any grown up maybe a neighbour, a
teacher, friend’s mother, anyone.
* Most significantly, make it known that the child can come and
tell the parent anything, anytime. As a parent, one must firmly put across that
they would listen to the child no matter what has happened. Nothing compares to
the sense of betrayal a child feels if the parents do not believe her.
What
do you do IF they've already been abused?
If a child has faced abuse, here are some things to respond:
* Listen to the child. It takes courage to speak up, so listen
without judgment.
* If you must ask questions, be sensitive about it and don't make
the child feel cornered.
* Reassure the child that she is not at fault or responsible.
* Don't hug or kiss the child unless you ask her if he / she feels
comfortable - you don't want the child feeling uncomfortable, again.
* Gently find out all the facts and then try to ascertain what
happened.
* Ensure that you tell the child that he / she is safe, and that
the person who did this to the child will NOT come in contact with the child.
Take steps to ensure that this is done.
* Provide the child with professional help and counseling- based
on the degree of trauma..
* If you are up to it, confront this person and press charges if
you will. If you have your family's support do so. BUT, be mindful of your
child's comfort, for legal systems may expect the child to speak up and present
evidence repetitively, which may be traumatic.
